The disapproving eye stared up at me from among the wood grain of the desk at the local Starbucks, upon which I worked. Heavy-lidded and critical it peered through the fog of supposed productivity and busyness I had shrouded myself in and saw truth saturated in too many Pike Place Grandes, and too much addictive internet-tripping behaviour. Its wooden gaze was eternal. All-knowing and judgemental and yet, surprisingly compassionate and forgiving…like that irritating aunt who aunt-splains what you are doing wrong, what you should be doing, and how they – because of their longer life and worldly experience, having lived in Turtleford, Saskatchewan, like, for-ev-er – would do it better. All swaddled in gossamer, love and little candies left over from last year’s Halloween.

“You know you struggle a bit in October and November Georgie (she still refers to me in the diminutive, even though I turned 70 this year…but I kinda like it). You just wrapped up a very busy season and you have all these expectations and unrealistic goals that might be hard to fulfil as the days get colder, shorter, dark & cloudy, and that S.A.D. thing you talk about kicks in. You need to diminish your expectations, give yourself more realistic goals, increase your Vitamin D, or come and live in Turtleford with Bill and I where it’s sunny all winter long. Or at the very least, just sit down and finish this silly blog-thing that you talk about that seems to be holding you back from tackling the other equally questionable goals you’ve set for yourself. You should’ve gotten into sugar-beet farming like your grandparents” Invariably, aunt Agatha drifts from the gossamer to the guilt-inducing judgemental which doesn’t help my November blahs. I don’t engage but choose to cherry pick one bit of advice that fits my confirmation bias – finish the silly blog thing.

Cathartic therapeutic and healing, writing – like physical exercise – releases endorphins and other feel-good hormones like dopamine & serotonin, which vastly improves ones mood. For better or worse, I have this organizational thing where I divide my year into about 6 months of busy – Shavasana Art Gallery & Café ( https://shavasana.ca/ ) – and save the other six for “slower season” creative projects/goals that are on the ever-present list, which are (in no particular order) do Podcast, write a seasonal wrap-up Blog, write last story of 12 in my second Book of Short Stories, begin that novel that I’ve been avoiding for, oh like, 30+ years, rake the leaves, etc. Well, the podcast https://www.theaccidentalcurator.ca/e/the-accidental-curator-episode-21-christmas-in-afghanistan/ and the leaves got done, so now I’m down to taking advice from an internal, wise, finger-wagging Aunt, and attaching meaning to apparitions and “signs” (like baleful wooden eyes) that I find along this winding unpredictable path.

It’s been a challenging, stressful year – one of the worst in recent memory – and, it’s not over yet so I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Again, in no particular order: a special cancer prevention skin treatment for my forehead and nose which left me with grotesque ravaged skin for several weeks; 6 eviction notices (which turned out to be strongly worded demands to vacate)from 50% of our landlord/property ownership; a visit by the Health Inspector (1st time in a decade) which demanded unwanted & unexpected change & compliance; a flurry of unwanted and unexpected car problems – cracked block, broken mirror, dead battery, and a rainy night side-swipe while parked, which collectively rendered our car almost worthless and in need of replacement.

And believe me, I know that these problems are just one tiny insignificant sprinkle on a giant sundae of problems besetting the world right now. Knowing this though doesn’t diminish the stress – it amplifies it.

And it seems that some of the meaning that I attach to “lucky signs and omens” needs to be rethought after my flurry of encounters with random harbingers of good luck….

The year started with a White Deer which is seen by many cultures as a symbol of good luck or significant change. Many Indigenous groups see the white deer as sacred and a portent of good fortune. The Celts viewed them as messengers from the “other world.” I also tend to notice quite a few Heart Shapes in nature, and elsewhere – which I consider to be a good thing – and saw this leaf and root as further positive indicators along the way. This was followed by a “Queen of Hearts” card lying randomly on my path which can represent many things including love, passion, nurturing, power, strength, femininity and emotional intelligence – all very positive things, of course, unless you choose to associate the “Q of ❤️” with Disney’s Alice in Wonderland character who is a tyrannical figure with a short temper and a love for beheadings!….we must be very selective where we choose to attach meaning…and the “6 of Clubs”? this might be the “wild card” thrown in for perspective, as it can represent “responsibility, seriousness, and the struggle between a sense of duty and inertia, or a tendency to resist change”…this might be a card that Aunt Agatha tossed along the path to exhort me to action over lethargy.

But I think my favourite messenger this year was my little dragonfly spirit guide, who showed up a few months after my skin treatment and gave me the all-clear on my nose – and also hung around long enough to give me an encouraging hug and whisper a few words of good advice in my ear…

And, just so we don’t forget, perhaps one of the most important and enduring messages I’ve encountered this year – to which I don’t have to attach meaning, as the meaning is quite clear…

Gratitude – I have a little difficulty with the word “anything”, as that can be open to some pretty broad interpretation but, even when we have difficulties it’s good to pause and reflect on some of the blessings in our lives and express gratitude to the people, places, experiences…or dragonflies that arrived at the right moment.❤️

George